Food Critics January 28, 2008

1/31/06

I’m a faker.
I sit here every week writing to you as if I was a chef but I’m not. On my
first visit to Culinard I was taught

Cooks prepare – Chefs create.

Here’s a shocker…I don’t create anything. Except at school and even then
I’m doing for the first or second time so you can bet your last nickel I
will screw it up. My boss is the pastry chef. Her boss is the executive
chef and I……am a pastry cook and that’s only since recently before that
I was the baker’s assistant this basically meant they baked it, and I SOLD
it. It’s ok though. I’m still a student and I have time to be fabulous and
when I am you can say you knew me when.
Speaking of being a student though I was talking to some classmates last
week and we were talking about how when your training centers around food
everything you put in your mouth gets critiqued. It’s almost automatic.
Going out to eat with my classmates is funny because comments about the food
pepper the conversation.

This is salty.
Why is there so much garlic in this?
I wonder how they made this marinade?
Taste this, what is that? Do you taste it? It taste funny.

You get the picture. We normally stick to fast food and chain restaurants
because we know it will taste the same as last time and it will be the same
next time. This need to critique sometimes is disguised as word vomit and
you can’t help but say what you think about what your eating. Perfect case
and point, I was eating Christmas dinner with my friend, one of my best
friends, and I took one bite into her coconut rice and while still chewing
said

This is undercooked.

OH….MY….GOSH! As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to fall over
and die. I never thought my knowledge gained would be used to unconsciously
snub someone. As soon as I said it I started apologizing while pointing out
the good things.

I mean it has good flavor, Dude I’m really sorry.

Thankfully she’s cool and she understood that I wasn’t trying to be ugly to
her but I guess this brings me to this week’s tip.

Don’t talk with your mouth full
 
andiepandie31 

The Crew January 28, 2008

1/31/06 

Lots of different types of people work in food service. It’s crazy how the
spectrum is so wide. My coworkers are all fabulous and I love them very
much because they work their butts off and still have time to go get a beer
with you. They are what make work colorful. Since you will never meet them
all I will tell you about them by category.

THE STARVING ARTISTS

These are your musicians and artists that work there because what they
really love isn’t paying the bills. They’re kinda weird and quirky but they
are sweethearts. Take my buddy Jeremy, after my chef didn’t…see the beauty
of a plate presentation I did he saved the day by calling it a Jackson
Pollack so chef said I didn’t have to redo it.

THE ILLIEGAL ALIENS

These are the dishwashers, prep cooks, and busboys. Great guys who somehow
manage to do a great job while not speaking a lick of English (which means
when there is a real problem I usually get pulled into conference to
translate) These guys are called “amigos” and their names are Americanized
or screwed up. Esteban becomes Stevie and Cirilo becomes Cirilio. Their
instructions are funny to hear as a bilingual person but somehow understand.
A request to sweep the floor becomes:

“Stevie por favor escobar el piso Wey!”
Translation: Stevie please broom the floor dude!

STONERS

These are the people that have habits and basically work to support it. 3
out of 5 of theses people belong in one of the other categories also but I
had to isolate this. They are very mellow until the mention of a drug test.
Then you can see them get a little antsy. These people have been known to
quit on the spot.

CHEFS OR CHEFS IN TRAINING

There are two subcategories in this one. Academically trained and trained on
site. Either way their both great, except that those who have been to
school have a little more attitude.

PLAN “C”ERS

These are people that basically don’t know how they ended up there and there
fore are bitter. They love to tell you what isn’t their job to do and what
their real dream is. I just want to say, “Look your 40, if you haven’t done
it by now your chances are getting smaller by the minute. Go pursue your
dream or shut the hell up and go get more fruit salad.”

CONVICTED FELONS

The weirdest thing about these people is that you’d never guess until they
told you. I always thought I’d be terrified of someone who was convicted of
13 counts of attempted murder, but I’m not. Now you know me- I’d only win a
fight if I fought dirty but this guy gave me no funny feelings. One slow
night on the 9pm – 7 am shift with not a soul in sight he told me the story
of his incarceration over a cup of coffee.

He inspired me and so did the Mexican who swam across a river and went
without food for weeks in order to come here and wash dirty dishes. My
advice this week comes from O’Henry and upon hearing it I knew it would be
advice I’d carry for life.

Everyone is worth knowing.

About to clock in,
 
andiepandie31

Attention to detail January 24, 2008

1/18/06 

My older brother is a bit of a neat freak. A couple years ago I went to
spend Christmas vacation at his house and one Saturday afternoon I found him
meticulously cleaning his guest bathroom; being sure to move and dust
everything. When he was done he turned to me and said

“Do you know what this is called?”
“Um I don’t know – good housekeeping?”
“No, attention to detail. I’ve gotten as far as I have because I pay
attention to the details”
“Um, Ok”

That conversation was short but powerful. I have come to realize that
attention to detail is everything and as I try to build my reputation as a
chef I must pay close attention to the little things if I want to stand out.
Unfortunately Rey’s words didn’t mean as much to me until I watched two
people make very big mistakes.

Our fruit tarts at work are brushed with chocolate on the inside to keep the
pastry cream from softening the pastry shell too quickly. A catering order
came in for a fruit tart without chocolate. Unfortunately that detail
although passed down didn’t stick and the crust got brushed with chocolate
anyway. When the owner came up to us a week later trying to figure out what
happened. We were all horrified to know that a nice lady with an allergy to
chocolate had eaten the tart and had to be rushed to the emergency room.
The store paid for medical expenses but was not to happy that our chef had
made the mistake.

Months after the chocolate incident things were pretty much back to normal.
I was cutting up brownies as I watched a coworker of mine work on an order
our sous chef had given him. It was for 50 roast beef biscuit sandwiches.
I’m not sure why they didn’t follow the order. I just know that the sous
chef said use ham. My coworker put his heart and soul into those
sandwiches. The line cook looked at me and said “It sure is taking him long
with those sandwiches, I mean gosh!” 45 min later he finally put them on a
tray and sent them out for delivery.
The next day the recipient called in wanting a refund.
She said she ordered roast beef because the people attending her event were
Jewish.
Needless to say she got her money back. The sous chef isn’t the sous chef
anymore and the guy that made the sandwiches…. We call him hamboy.

Pay attention people,
andiepandie31

The wrong attitude January 24, 2008

1/11/06 

 My executive chef is a jerk. A big fat butthead. He’s also my friend. A
compliment from him is like saffron, your’e thinking $5 dollars for 20
strands? It’s takes a lot for him to pat you on the back. He on the other
hand is perfect and never makes mistakes. Meet the boss from hell. He is
under the impression that he is god. Outside of work he’s the coolest guy
you’ll ever meet. We are only friends because I’m not afraid to pull him in
the cooler and tell him to chill out; I’m told I will receive a rude shock
when I move on to another job because they are all like that, except for the
friends part. Seated at the right (and left) hand of the father are his
sous chefs, who again……think they know everything. The female is cool,
but the guy…..lets just say if I call you from jail the story will
definitely involve a serrated knife.

My friend and I called this power group the A team because they reminded us
of a high school power clique. You can never get in but worst of all, if
they decided you weren’t cool you’re probably history. I’ll tell you why
most of this attitude radiates from them. Culinard got its name because it
is said to be the Harvard of culinary schools. Culinary + Harvard =
Culinard. The sous chefs are Culinard graduates and for most of us who have
been or are still in school we think we’re the best thing since chicken
stock. For those of you who didn’t get it, chicken stock is the base for
everything, literally. You can use it for soup or gravy, whatever….yet I
digress.

The attitude I’d rather not deal with on a daily basis but I guess I have a
little bit of that too. Now when I first got hired another schoolmate of
mine got hired but because he “had been to culinary school” he wouldn’t
listen to constructive criticism. He sat there and argued with chef and when
they finally put him on the line he couldn’t perform. So he got fired, on
the spot. During breakfast rush.

Have you ever been slapped in the face really, really hard? That’s probably
what that felt like. There was a line out the door and without him we were
shorthanded. We all had to work twice as hard. My tip comes from my
parents and it’s quite simple really-

When you don’t listen you feel.

La chef,
andiepandie31

Why I hate Foodies January 24, 2008

12/12/05 

I don’t hate anyone. Well that’s not true, I hate foodies. These are
people that pretend to be chefs at home so therefore have no problem
approaching us in public or calling us from the kitchen. The reason most of
my colleagues hate them is because they THINK they know, but they don’t.
When you stand on a line, the immediate area where you cook, for 2-8 hours
without a break then we can talk. I started hating foodies when I worked at
Waffle House. No one gave me the time of day until I told them I was
studying to become a chef, Then my food was the best they ever had. I stood
on the line and not only had to put out all the orders correctly but had to
remember as many as 20 orders. Not really remember but I had to read my
plates (company secret) foodies turn chefs into celebrities when really all
we want is for you to respect us because or job is hard. I’ve yet to work
at a place where the sous chef is yelling obscenities at me but when I do I
will probably call my sisters crying, a lot. Working at a restaurant is
like living in Panama, rules were made to be broken. sexual harassment
policies are a joke and your boss is not afraid to call you out and curse
you the hell out in front of everyone…..I cant wait.
But anyway, the funniest thing about these people is their arrogance. Here
is how a typical conversation goes when I meet one in the store.

“Hey! You’re a chef?!?” (Excited)
“Yeah” (said with a sigh of annoyance)
“So you can cook huh” (here come the arrogance)
“Um, yeah…..actually I’m a pastry chef”
“Oh….I’m not really not into sweets you need to start cooking some real
food” (lots of attitude)

Ok the rest of the conversation occurs in my head while i stand there and
smile and nod my head.

Oh I’m sorry, you’re not into sweets. That’s funny because your check to
help me pay tuition didn’t come last month…..HOW’S ABOUT YOU KISS MY……

“Ok I gotta go now, bye”

 Not afraid to curse you out chef,

andiepandie31 

Kobe Beef January 22, 2008

12/8/05 

My chef once told me that when I die, I should ask to be sent back as a
Peabody duck because of their plush life style, today I would like to tell
you about another “lucky” animal- Kobe calves. Kobe is a brand of beef,
kind of like Bulkhead, except it’s from Japan. Laws in Japan aren’t as
strict as they are in the US. Kobe beef is some of the most expensive meat
around because it is so tender. The calves are leashed to the ground to
restrict movement and are given full out massages everyday to keep their
meat tender. They are only fed milk and oats. After a few months of
getting to lie around in their own personal spa they are slaughtered.

The store I work at is selling beef tenderloins for Christmas that weigh
between 5-6 lbs. The average Joe tenderloins go for $149 each. Can you
guess how much Kobe’s are? $349. For you math majors that comes out to
about $60 a lb. Now that’s expensive meat. Personally, I am opposed to
veal; especially Kobe but who cares right, I can’t afford it anyway.

My sister said I should eat to live not live to eat and my ex roommate the
doctor talked me out of becoming a vegetarian by telling me that humans are
meant to eat meat and the proof is in our teeth. Now that being said I will
eat meat but not that of a baby cow who is kept under unimaginable
conditions for its short life.

For those of you who can afford it; know that luxury doesn’t have to mean
cruelty.

That chef with morals – andiepandie31

A bad day in foodservice January 22, 2008

11/28/05 

We all have bad days. Terrible, horrible, I don’t want to get out of bed
days. Some of you have it everyday. I hardly ever have one because I LOVE
MY JOB. It’s kind of like high school. You don’t want to be absent because
you might miss some drama. When I do have a bad day I just try to pray it
away because you don’t want to have a bad day in food service. You can’t
just lock yourself in your office because no one has one not even your god
(the executive chef) everyone is in everyone else’s face.

My first pastryteacher taught us that if the pressure gets too high just don’t cry in front of everyone. Go to the bathroom or the walk in cooler. Well imagine my
surprise when both of those places were occupied so I being the genius that
I am went to have a good cry in the freezer. The freezer is kept at about
15 degrees F so of course my tears froze to my face. I kept trying to wipe
them away but none such luck so as I stumbled out of my “office” everyone
looked up as to say “What the hell happened to you?!?” To make a long story
even longer, I never did that again.

A person is smart, people are stupid. Don’t believe me? Come stand next to
me at work and hand out signs to all the stupid people. We make bread
pudding, package it in container and sell it for 5.99. Well a customer came
in and decided she couldn’t eat it all so she asked if she could buy half
and I thought, sure!! Here is half a coke, half a bag a chips, and the other
half of your brain.
One faithful Saturday we ran out of cinnamon rolls…oh the tragedy. The
number of people that came by to double check that fact was an even bigger
one. “Um excuse me ma’am are you sure you don’t have anymore cinnamon
rolls.”, “Um yeah”……….. Fifteen minutes later “Ma’am are you sure your
out of cinnamon rolls, do you have any in the back?” OK stop! What makes
people think I would lie to them? Just for kicks or to lose money?

Another tip: There is such a thing as a stupid question.

Chef andiepandie31

Lessons from Culinary School January 22, 2008

11/21/05 

Let me start by saying that I should wear my chef jacket everywhere. I would be married and have a ton of friends. If I leave my jacket on after work or school, apparent strangers feel comfortable enough to hold conversation about how they love Food Network or how they love to cook. Tired and dirty, I just stand there smiling hoping that they will leave me alone so I can go buy my weekly supply of frozen dinners or deposit my paycheck. Since people think that a big white coat makes me the Pillsbury doughboy and that I want to help them make rolls, I’m going to tell you what it’s really like to live in my world.

Lesson 1 Knifes and half sheet pans

A chef’s knife is like a loved one. We protect it and keep it clean and sharp and get mad if someone touches it. Reason- They are really, really expensive. I learned that lesson the hard way. I lost my knife; well not really someone took because it’s really hard to lose a knife. When I went to replace it I looked at price tags of 50 to 100 dollars for a new French/chef knife. Um, I don’t think so! I could buy a pair of shoes with that money, two even! Keep in mind I can’t go to Wal-Mart. I need a knife that I can chop with everyday for the next two years and still look the same. Luckily a friend scored me a free one and everyone lived happily ever after. Don’t ask, don’t tell.

Most of the cuts on my hands come from the knife I use the most….the serrated knife. This knife looks pretty harmless compared to the chef’s knife, but it will cut you deep and unexpectedly. Serrated knifes are used to cut cake and bread and such. The teeth grasp what its cutting and prevent your product from tearing. Interestingly enough when applied to skin the opposite is true. So if you must kill someone, don’t use a serrated knife…..it’s just cruel people.

Satan’s ugly sister is commonly referred to as a half sheet pan. On a speed rack (a rolling storage device where sheet pans are kept) you can’t tell which is which. When you pull a pan thinking it’s a whole sheet pan and it’s half you jerk back a little too hard. It’s kind of like when you miss a step and trip, yeah it’s embarrassing but at least you don’t have to explain to your boss why a $35 cheesecake is on the floor. That didn’t actually happen to me because I caught it but I have dropped quite a bit of brownies on the floor and in a place where every penny counts things like that shouldn’t happen. I picked them up dusted them off and pretend it didn’t happen. HEY, don’t get mad at me, everyone does it and I’ve actually seen worse so my first tip from me to you…. Eat at home.

Chef andiepandie31

Unsqueezable Lemons January 22, 2008

1/22/08 

The day started out normal enough. We all came in at six and started prepping for what we knew would be another busy Sunday.  Around the time the store opened we started to notice a foul smell coming out of the drains on the floor.  As the morning went on and we got busier the smell worsened. Right in the middle of rush sewage water started rising out of them.  We were unable to really have the chance to react to what was happening because we were so busy.  We just kept looking at each other helplessly as we slid around in the filthy water.  The tread in my non slip shoes had become caked with what I assume was poop and I was sliding all over the place like it was a skating rink. I just kept working.  I hoped they were calling a plumber but what what else could I do? The dish guys tried to mop it up but it slowly would come back.  Jason was way too backed up with tickets for me to sit there and fuss at him about our poopy problem. 

“Please God…send a plumber.”

I walked out into the cafe to replenish cups and a very angry lady approached me. 

“Ma’am. There are no squeezable lemons out here!  I really need you to get me some lemons.”

I did not appreciate her tone.  I thought it was ironic that the biggest problem she was having that morning was that she had no squeezable lemons for her sweet tea and I… well I was literally, excuse my French, stuck in a shitty job.  We all have problems.  Some are worse than others but all the problems regardless of the severity need solving.  So instead of catching an attitude  about how she should thank God because worse things could be happening, I got her fresh lemons.  Later I cleaned the crap out of my shoes.  Much later I went looking for a new job.

They say when life gives you lemons you should  make lemonade.  No one tells you what to do when those lemons are “unsqueezable.” My friend Karl once said

“Life is going to hand you lemons and when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade, or lemon meringue pie, or lemon squares, or those little slices of lemons you find in punch bowls at dances but you’d better find something to do with all those lemons or you’ll be the first person to die from being squashed by them.”

He wrote that in my 19th birthday card and although I have long since lost the card I still remember his advice.  Again, everyone has problems.  Some are worse than others but remember that you should be careful of who you take your aggressions out on as a result of them because they might just be having a crappier day than you- and they might not be as nice as me.

Way too nice,

andiepandie31