Got Beef? February 25, 2008

I have a lot of beef. No, not meat. Beef as in problems with other people. Mainly customers but from time to time my coworkers will make my eye twitch with rage.  I’m kind of an angry person. I’m also a smart ass. A passive-aggressive angry person but angry nonetheless.  Like Scrappy Doo, always ready for a fight. I can’t help it though. You’d understand if you knew my mother or my sisters. Sure, your sitting there thinking “They are perfectly lovely people Andrea, why would you say that?” Have you ever tried to talk to Liza before her morning coffee? Have you ever said anything Jessica without getting a smart answer? Anyway I’m chasing rabbits. I do that a lot. It’s when you start a story and then go in a different direction, then change directions yet again and end up with three separate endings. Anyway…. I’m doing it again. I have beef with a lot of customers. So I’ve created a list of things you should probably stick to when out and being helped by anyone.  I’m sure they feel the same way.

1. Get off your cell phone. Seriously. PUT IT DOWN. Whoever you are talking to can call you back. You are conducting business right now. I hate getting the finger. You know the finger, you’ve probably given it. When you put your index finger up to say hold on. You know what I do when I get the finger? Walk away and never come  back. Someone else can help you. I have other stuff to do.
2. Don’t argue with me. I work here. You shop here. What makes you think you know more than me about what we carry? What makes you think I’m lying when I say I can’t do that? Don’t argue, you’ll lose.
3. Don’t ask me if I’m new here. This usually comes after I say I can’t do something and they ask if I’m new followed with ”because someone else did it for me.” I say, “Really what is their name because they broke the rules and I need to inform my manager.” I don’t really tell on the person but I love seeing someone sweat at the thought that they might be getting someone in trouble. It makes me smile with my heart.
4. Don’t ask me how much something cost when the price is in front of your face. Enough said.
5. GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONE. Did I mention this already? Oh, well cause it’s an issue for me. HUGE ISSUE.
6. Don’t be a sample whore/crumb bum.We talk about you. Like dogs. No…really, like a dog. One lady demanded more samples one day and had a piece of cake on her face. I didn’t even tell her she had something on her face. She wasn’t being nice, just greedy so I let that cake crumb ride. Don’t get mad at me though, My boss saw it first and chose to ignore it because she was being so rude to her. What can I say, You catch more flies with sugar that vinegar.
7. If you ask me a question, don’t interrupt me while I’m answering. It’s rude.
8. Don’t say you are just looking if you are planning on buying something or asking me 50 million questions.Sometimes I say “Hi! How are you?” and the customer will put their hand up and say, “I’m just looking”I think to myself….ooohkaaay. TWO SECONDS LATER they say “Ma’am can you help me?” and I want to say “Fine thank you and yourself?” Do you see the disconnect here?
9. Preorder, preorder, preorder.I can’t stress this enough. Do you know how many people get mad because their husband or son’s favorite cake isn’t in the case and I think to myself ”Did you just remember that you gave birth to your son 5 years ago today.” Don’t get me started on holidays. You and 50 other people want a Boston cream cake for Thanksgiving and we only have 25. You do the math.
10. Hang up the phone.I’m sorry. Actually, no I’m not. 3 out of 10 customers are on their phone so I’m going to mention it 3 out of 10 times.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I feel so much better now that I got that all off my chest. Thanks for listening and remember the rules.

Chef Andiepandie31

The cardinal rule February 10, 2008

12/28/06
If you have ever seen the movie Waiting, you know there is a scene where a
customer is extremely rude to her server and sends her food back. In the
back her food is taken through a series of “alterations” and sent back to
her. A disgusted trainee looks on in disbelief but as a veteran explained
to him nonchalantly:

“I know what we did may seem harsh – but she broke the cardinal rule; don’t
&%$ with people that handle your food.”

I know all of you out there know better but just in case you want to act
crazy next time you go out to eat I’ll tell you a couple of stories to
change your mind.

One of them.
 
My coworker was making brownies one day and was over at the induction burner melting chocolate and butter together. Because of where she was standing she could not see half of the counter and apparently a customer was standing there waiting to get her bread sliced. When she finally saw her someone else
was helping her but she still ran up and started apologizing but the customer was
really rude to her and treated her as if she was not even worth her time.
“Hand this to her” she said to another coworker with an attitude and walked away.
 She was already having a rough day so her attitude really upset her. Without even thinking she took her bread out of the bag, rubbed it all over her butt and ran it through the slicer. She instantly felt the situation had been rectified and handed her the bread with a smile. Unfortunately she left that chocolate on the burner unattended and severely burned it and ended up ruining $300 worth of
brownies. Karma got both of them. 

One of our own.

Our chef used to allow people who worked in food prep to get a free
sandwich, no sides- just a sandwich, when we worked a full shift. One of the
new cashiers from in front found out about it and didn’t like that at all
and decided to put an end to it by complaining to management everyday for
three weeks. She didn’t work in food prep but decided to (pardon the pun)
put salt in our game anyway. She stood around up front all day while we
worked with hot stoves and ovens. I’m not sure why she felt she deserved
the same privileges as us but the next day she got her wish and we were
informed that we had to pay for our food.

Interestingly enough she still came to the back and ordered food from us
everyday. The same people she had ratted out and painted as thieves. When
she did the sous chef took her sandwich and rubbed it all over his “private
area” wrapped it up and served it. Those who were there served it with a
smile and laughed. Those of us who found out later also laughed with
satisfaction. In our minds she deserved it.

The moral of the story should be obvious. But in case you don’t get it,
here goes:

“I know what we did may seem harsh – but she broke the cardinal rule; don’t
&%$ with people that handle your food.”

Be good,
andiepandie31

What did you say?!?! February 5, 2008

2/15/06

Has someone ever said something really stupid to you? I mean to where you
look around and say you’re kidding right? I am a stupid magnet. If there is
a stupid question or comment it will get said to me. Don’t believe me…..

A man came into my store and said
“how many pieces of cornbread do I get if I get a half dozen.”

I just knew he was kidding so I started giggling when he just stood there I
stopped and squeaked out
“6”
“Ok let me have 2 half dozen”

I think that guy was a math major. Other customers would come in and order
rotisserie chicken and pronounce it ro-tis–ear and I would think, I’m sorry.

Packing up food to go is always fun because you know you won’t have to clean
up after them but it always got to me when I would ask

“do you need silver ware?
And smart alecks would remind me it was made out of plastic. Oh…..you have
jokes right?

Next customer that got food to go I asked if they needed cutlery….they
stopped and thought for a minute before saying “no just a knife and fork.”
And I realized I wasn’t going to win this one.

I have a lot of customers who will come up to the counter and say in a very
southern accent….”may I please have a….” This is when they become a French
man or woman and say croissant in the best French accent they can and I
think, should I care that you speak French you pretentious idiot?
Then again I must decide which is the lesser of two evils because some
customers don’t have a clue but the think they do. These are the people
that order a petit four and call it a petit flower. Or a Mousse Bombe
(pronounced bomb) and pronounce it bom-bay or bommer.

Either way I think, here you go and get the hell on!

My tip comes from a customer that asked me how to pronounce Profiteroles
(pro-feet-er-ole)
It’s better to ask than try and just sound stupid.

The vocabulary snob,
Chef An-dre-yah