My Nemisis March 11, 2008

There’s this guy named Daniel, not really but I can’t tell you his real name, and he’s a pastry chef.  In fact he is the pastry chef that replaced Brian and me as the people “in charge” back at Trio.  Now let me make this clear, I had no problems with this guy at first. To me he was just some guy that always wanted free cake boards from us.  I was always very nice as was he.  That was when I was the chef and I wore the hat. 

Confused?… Sidebar

I used to work with this Swiss Chef named Oscar, not really but again can’t use his name.  Anyway he was kind of a grouchy guy that didn’t like to be told what to do.  He takes himself very seriously and had the store order him special chef hats that were unlike our black beanies.  He wore a tall circular chef hat that you would normally see at a banquet or at a high end restaurant with an open kitchen.  So one day someone did something to step on his toes and he completely snapped. “I AM THE CHEF! I WEAR THE HAT!” This statement is funny because it embodies the arrogant nature that most chefs have. Everyone, even managers started jokingly saying it when they were trying to say they were in charge.  Sometimes they would say it for no reason at all just to mock the sheer ridiculousness of demanding respect from someone because you wear a nicer hat. I’m actually giggling right now just thinking about it.

When I first went off to work for my present employer I was terribly unhappy and desperately wanted to go back to Trio.  Then one day my friend Angela, the assistant produce manager, told me she saw Daniel while at Trio the previous week and she had mentioned the fact that I would probably love to come back and he told her to send me on down. Although he was unaware of how much I made he also told her he would offer me a rate of pay that would have been a 50% increase of what I was making at the time.  On cloud nine I rushed over to Trio and he told me a very different tale.  First he asked my rate of pay and told me there was no way he could offer more than that.  He went on to suggest that I was a slacker and couldn’t keep my case full.  He commented that as a customer he always thought the case was “so empty.”  Finally he gave me the names of a couple places I could go to find a new job.  I stood there in disbelief while he insulted me.  I never did anything to this guy.  I didn’t even really know him.  Why was he doing this?  It was deceptive to pretend he had a job for me when all he really wanted was to give me a piece of his mind. I’m not sure why he felt so passionately about giving me his opinion of me.  It’s not like he was an older more experienced chef. He was three years younger than me!  I pictured myself punching him in the throat and dancing around him like Muhammad Ali but instead I left quietly and without a fuss or fight.  You don’t have to act on all thoughts and there is more than one way to knock out an opponent.  I was livid though.  I felt like he had puched me in the face and I was down but not out.  One of his employees later told me she thought he was intimidated by my reputation among Trio’s staff but if that is true it is so stupid! I wasn’t interested in showing anybody up, you guys know me- I just want to cook.

Nine months later my assistant manager came up to me and asked me if I knew a Daniel from Trio. 

“Um, yeah. Why?”

“Well he applied to work in the Deli.  What do you think of him?”                                            

(Insert Hallelujah Chorus here)

I smiled.  “Well personally I don’t care for him but professionally speaking I think his arrogant ways and attitude would not be a good fit here.”  My opinion was one of three that cost him that job.  Daniel is my nemesis because he chose to judge me and express his opinion of me at an inappropriate time- a job interview.  Ironically, I got the chance to express my opinion of him at an appropriate time – when I was asked.  The next time I saw Daniel I smiled and although I wanted to say “EAT SHIT & DIE!” I said “Good to see you” (I really am too nice; that just kind of popped out! )  He was as expected; unpleasant and condescending.  I realized if continue to kill him with kindness I might eventually destroy my nemesis.  Well, maybe not destroy… but you get the picture.

Be very careful of how you treat people when you wear the hat.  You don’t know how long you will wear it and you never know who will hold the next hat you want to wear. Just a tip from me to you.

Dancing around like Muhammad Ali after a TKO,

La chef

The Rise and Fall of Lonna Krall February 22, 2008

*Names have been changed to protect the permanently scarred*

          Lonna Krall was a 5’ 2”, big chested, Virginia Slim smoking, bleach blonde front end Deli Manager at Trio.  We first met her as a sales rep for a company that carries cured meats and cheeses.  She knew the owners from high school and they offered her a job at their new store.  It was apparent to us from the very beginning that she had no idea what she was doing.  For starters her attire was not appropriate.  Her low cut tanks, carpis and heels were, while cute, not kitchen friendly.  And don’t get me started on her hair.  She wore it down which again was cute but when dealing with food the Health Dept. requires that your hair be restrained.  Ponytail, hat, hairnet – they don’t care but it can’t be all out.  Although some of us liked Lonna very much we all had a certain degree of annoyance for her blatant disregard for kitchen rules and etiquette.

            Anyway one day she suffered a tragedy through a series of events that made us all smirk.  1^stone of the amigos made chicken stock in the steam kettle, empties it into a large cambro, picture over-sized Tupperware, and set it on the floor in the cooler to cool, which by the way is an improper cooling technique but I’m not going there.  Lonna enters the cooler looking for something and finds it on the top of the metro rack and since she can’t reach it, she decides to climb it to get what she needs.  That is what I thought step stools are for but again, don’t want to go there. So here is this little woman in espadrilles and carpis climbing a rack and on her way down steps directly into the cambro of near boiling stock and is immersed to the knee.  Now here is where a bad situation gets worse.  Once out of the cooler Lonna sat in a chair in agonizing pain surrounded by employees trying to comfort her.  A chef that worked in seafood suggested she put some mayonnaise on it to soothe the pain. Ok, I’m no doctor but to me mayo is good on sandwiches not on burns.  The doctor later said what started out as first degree burns turned into second degree burns thanks to… you guessed it the mayo. 

            “Who told you to do that?!?!” the doctor demanded

            Lonna came back to work a week later in long pants and close toed shoes with a hat on her head.  She wore bandages on her ankle and toes where her burns were the worst.  Workman’s Comp denied her claim because she was, wait for it, not in proper work attire. Seriously guys this story cracks me up.  It’s one of those full circle things.  It reminds me of a poster I saw. 

            “Some people’s sole purpose in life is to serve an example to others of what not to do.”

Hold the mayo,

andiepandie31

The Frat February 7, 2008

4/20/06 

I work in foodservice. (SURPRISE!) and I have for while. I’ve only had 2
jobs that weren’t in food service and I hated it. For those of you who sit
behind a desk all day I’m going to give you a peek into the frat and the
inevitable fraternization that occurs.
Working with mostly men is like working in a locker room. Eventually the
conversation will turn X rated. And if you’re a woman and they think your
cool they will see you as just another guy which isn’t hard because you’re
wearing a chef coat that fits like a potato sack. That is when you get
swept up into funny yet salacious conversation. In most other professions
it would be considered sexual harassment but in this industry it’s routine.
If you work in an open kitchen they will usually scope out every girl and
make comments about her anatomy while I stand there and comment about her
shoes or makeup. That’s when they remember I’m a girl and just roll their
eyes.

Being part of the frat is hard because the guys will either help you out a
lot or not at all and they will laugh at you if you make a blooper. Take my
first week at TRIO; I was making peanut butter cookies. The last step was
to add the flour, which I did right except I forgot to turn the 60 qt mixer
down to speed 1. I turned it on while it was still on speed 3 and I
basically ended up looking like I showered in flour. The guys started
clapping and said “We’re a real bakery now.” As I cleaned up my corner (and
myself) they exchanged stories of when they were starting out and did the
same thing.

About two weeks ago I went to reach for a bowl on a high shelf and about
fifteen of them came down in one solid mass and hit me in the face. I
caught them put them to the side and bent over the sink in pain but I knew I
had to shake it off quickly or face ridicule. Turns out I would face that
anyway. The next day my coworker that witnessed it happen told to story to
the others and the all giggled saying “OHH!! Your face!” Jerks!

Anyway…. I love the guys I work with because they see me as one of them.
At my last job they still saw me as prey. I decided to see one coworker
socially and when it didn’t work out, work became a battlefield. I knew I
had made a mistake when we started yelling at each other about the way I
cook my eggs. So the lesson I learned is and I’m not sure how to clean up
this statement….OH I know:

Use the restroom and have dinner in separate rooms…..It’s much more
sanitary.

LA LA LA CHEF
 
andiepandie31 

Ways to annoy Wings February 5, 2008

3/14/06

On my first email to you guys I said that I should wear my chef jacket
everywhere because I would be married and have tons of friends. I’d like to
take back that comment. I do not feel comfortable with strangers engaging
me in long conversation. It annoys me.
I get the worst of it at the grocery store. It’s funny because when I go to
the grocery store with my chef jacket on people love looking in my cart, or
asking me what’s for dinner.
Considering that my TV dinner is melting in my hands you’d think they’d keep
it short but nope. Blah, blah, blah.

But even more than the people that go on and on, what annoys me the most are
those who ask me if I can cook. Just the other day I went to get some oil
and the cashier asked me if I could cook and I just looked at him, while
making a point to blink my eyes repeatedly.

I’m wearing a chef jacket man, make the connection.

But he didn’t stop there… his next question was did I need a husband.

I thought:
Um, how ‘bout no but I do need this oil so If you could just do your job, I
can get to mine quicker.

I said:
I don’t need anything but this, but thank you.

Mi mama raised a polite child. I was talking to my sister Jessica about this
and how much it annoys me and her advice was to become a bit of a smart
aleck and when asked if I can cook to respond with “No, what makes you think
that?”…that’s so Jessica.

Speaking of which, my sis is the one I try out all my stories on. She hears
everything you read first, except in a sort of rambling rough draft sort of
way. The thing that annoys her the most is for me to use “culinary terms”
and because of my god given right as a little sister to irritate her, I’m
going to throw some around just because I can.

From this day forth refer to your melon baler as a Parisian knife.
Don’t mix things, marry them.
Instead of sprinkling flour on the counter before kneading a dough – sanger
the flour. (Don’t things just sound better in French?)
If you need something in a hurry ask for it “on the fly”
And for crying out loud, don’t let it marinate, let it macerate.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. Ok my tip for you is something that I learned
in kindergarden. I wish more people had learned it.

Don’t talk to strangers.

Not really listening to you,
andiepandie31, la chef

Lip singing February 5, 2008

2/28/06

Have you ever met someone at work and the whole time you look at them and
think

“How do you still work here?”
“You are the biggest screw up I have ever met in my life!!”

There is someone at work that is unbelievably prone to screwing up. If she
didn’t burn it she undercooked it. If the croissants weren’t too big they
were tiny. She had no concept of how to correct a mistake. Now don’t get
me wrong I’ve made mistakes but this girl doesn’t learn from them.

While being trained for my current position she said

“Before you put your tart dough down, sprinkle with bread flour because it
has the least amount of gluten.”

This statement started an argument because she is a graduate and a certified
pastry culinarian, she’s also a moron. There are certain things you should
walk away knowing if you get a pastry degree, gluten or protein content of
different flours is one of them.

Quick lesson

Gluten is a complex protein formed in flour when water is added. The amount
will greatly affect the outcome of your product. It is literally the
difference between the texture of cake and bagels. There are 5 types of
white flour as far as gluten is concerned and they are pretty much named
after what they would be used for. From lowest to highest in content they
are :
Cake, Pastry, All purpose, Bread, and High Gluten.

“So no bread doesn’t have the least amount, I’m positive”

God this explains so much! No wonder everything you make turns out wrong.

But anyway. Part of the reason she got away with it for so long was because
she blamed her mistakes on everyone else. But when the other pastry cook
quit the spotlight was shining on her. BRIGHTLY.

Business is slow and cutbacks had to be made not to mention that she was
starting to cost the store money and so she was given 2 weeks notice.

As happy as I am to see her go she taught me a very important lesson that I
will pass on to you.

You can lip sing for so long before that cd skips and trust me it will skip.

Blame it on the-blame it on the- blame it on the rain………

Learn from your mistakes, please!!
andiepandie31

The Crew January 28, 2008

1/31/06 

Lots of different types of people work in food service. It’s crazy how the
spectrum is so wide. My coworkers are all fabulous and I love them very
much because they work their butts off and still have time to go get a beer
with you. They are what make work colorful. Since you will never meet them
all I will tell you about them by category.

THE STARVING ARTISTS

These are your musicians and artists that work there because what they
really love isn’t paying the bills. They’re kinda weird and quirky but they
are sweethearts. Take my buddy Jeremy, after my chef didn’t…see the beauty
of a plate presentation I did he saved the day by calling it a Jackson
Pollack so chef said I didn’t have to redo it.

THE ILLIEGAL ALIENS

These are the dishwashers, prep cooks, and busboys. Great guys who somehow
manage to do a great job while not speaking a lick of English (which means
when there is a real problem I usually get pulled into conference to
translate) These guys are called “amigos” and their names are Americanized
or screwed up. Esteban becomes Stevie and Cirilo becomes Cirilio. Their
instructions are funny to hear as a bilingual person but somehow understand.
A request to sweep the floor becomes:

“Stevie por favor escobar el piso Wey!”
Translation: Stevie please broom the floor dude!

STONERS

These are the people that have habits and basically work to support it. 3
out of 5 of theses people belong in one of the other categories also but I
had to isolate this. They are very mellow until the mention of a drug test.
Then you can see them get a little antsy. These people have been known to
quit on the spot.

CHEFS OR CHEFS IN TRAINING

There are two subcategories in this one. Academically trained and trained on
site. Either way their both great, except that those who have been to
school have a little more attitude.

PLAN “C”ERS

These are people that basically don’t know how they ended up there and there
fore are bitter. They love to tell you what isn’t their job to do and what
their real dream is. I just want to say, “Look your 40, if you haven’t done
it by now your chances are getting smaller by the minute. Go pursue your
dream or shut the hell up and go get more fruit salad.”

CONVICTED FELONS

The weirdest thing about these people is that you’d never guess until they
told you. I always thought I’d be terrified of someone who was convicted of
13 counts of attempted murder, but I’m not. Now you know me- I’d only win a
fight if I fought dirty but this guy gave me no funny feelings. One slow
night on the 9pm – 7 am shift with not a soul in sight he told me the story
of his incarceration over a cup of coffee.

He inspired me and so did the Mexican who swam across a river and went
without food for weeks in order to come here and wash dirty dishes. My
advice this week comes from O’Henry and upon hearing it I knew it would be
advice I’d carry for life.

Everyone is worth knowing.

About to clock in,
 
andiepandie31